One hand.

Sometimes I type with one hand.

Or like today,

With one finger.

My thoughts,

Which used to rush out

Like a river in full flood 

Stayed only by the speed 

At which my fingers could 

Fly across the keyboard.

My thoughts

Come much slower now

And deeper

With persistence.

After the dentist…

I wanted to post photos.  I wanted to write status updates and poetry.  Instead I’ve been studying Hebrew, knitting, and going to the dentist.  I’ve spent the most time on the first two, but the most energy on the last.  I’m not done.  That was the least of it, losing it and crying, and clinging to The Husband’s hand.  Over filling a small cavity.  What will I do for the big one, when I have to sit in the chair for an hour while he fixes a root canal gone bad?

I was horribly abused by a dentist when I was a child.  Hitting me over the head with steel instruments when I squirmed or cried was the least of it.  If that was all I would go and get dental care relatively calmly.  I know because I worked at it for years with a good and patient dentist in the U.S.  Unfortunately, I was not so lucky when I moved with TH and the kids to Israel..  Bad dentist after incompetant dentist (there were a couple of good ones, but my continuing decline in health and a move to the south lost them for me), culminating in the one who drilled directly into a nerve without any anesthetic.  And the clinic staff argued with me ‘oh, we would never do that!’  

The botched root canal my current, good and patient dentist needs to fix is like the sixth tooth I have lost as a result of this bad dentistry.  From filling the wrong cavity to not cleaning a cavity thoroughly before it was filled, to the root canal that needs to be fixed to the tooth I lost because I lost the one below and it just descended into the space – without even mentioning to me that that was something that could happen, it is a wonder I am willing to see a dentist at all.  Leave alone trust him.  But I do.

However, going to the dentist takes a lot of energy, and I haven’t got a lot.  So, I may not be writing very much until this is done.  Sorry.