What next?

I started this blog with one idea, and it morphed into another and yet another.  Perhaps I ought to have started several different blogs, but I’m still not up to speed in blogging, profiles, all this stuff, so I had enough starting this one.  I look back to when I began, and I have an almost completely different group of readers.  So it goes, I guess.  I’ve never been into numbers; I am into connection.  If something I write, or some photo or photos I post makes a connection with one other person, I am satisfied.

So, about a year ago I had a drastic change in my physical circumstances.  Besides mind-blowing pain; my left, and dominant hand stopped working almost entirely.  My feet became numb so that although I can walk, I am wobbly at best.  I have little energy.  I cannot push myself in my wheelchair, but am dependent on others for the least thing.

At the same time, I am entering a new phase of life.  The kids are almost all grown, and there are no grandkids here that I can mother or grandmother.  I am able to focus on myself and only on myself.  Mostly.  I am neither tied to place nor people.

So what do I do?  As I am suddenly free to go places and do things, I am unable to play piano and guitar, to type, to knit…

I find that the people I most identify with are survivors like myself.  It almost doesn’t matter survivors of what – most recently I am a survivor of abuse by a doctor, but my history is full of things from incest to the death of the only person that ever was a parent to me (ironically one of my perps), and brain damage due to severe anemia to name just a few.  All of that requires going through some of the grieving process.  I’ve actually gotten quite good at it.  I almost speed through it – the art of losing things, as it were.

So let me put myself out there first as a survivor.  Then as a homeschooler, homeopath, old-time computer geek, stay-at-home mother, frustrated grandmother, photographer, knitter and fibre artist, amateur musician, reader, writer, animal-rescuer.  Friend.

I’m going to keep posting photographs when I can.  Writing when I can.  Everything depends on my higher power, Hashem, creater, C-WHY (Cosmic What-Have-You).  I will do my best with all my difficulties to be here, hoping for connection.

See you next time!

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10 thoughts on “What next?

  1. Good to learn more about you. I’m a family scapegoat, so a survivor too. Connection is so important. I get it:) Keep bloggin’

  2. I was scapegoated too. I have stepped out of my role in the family of origin, though, and it is no longer a factor in my life. Or I should say, extremely rarely. 😉

  3. I really appreciate what you have written. I am curious if you dont mind me asking about the brain damage from anemia as i just got back from the mayo clinic getting an iron infusion. I have enjoyed your photos and blog

  4. Having known you for over 30 years now, may I add you’re a very good friend, an excellent communicator (Hashem willing) and you are much more intelligent than you give yourself credit for being. Plus you really do manage to survive and live life on life’s terms. Hang in, and keep blogging!

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