No Fair

Hello again.  It’s been another busy, full and difficult week.

The van is working, for the most part.  There have been a few wrinkles, but nothing that didn’t sort itself out so far.  So I’ve been driving a bit, hither and yon.  Shopping, and errands.  I drove the whole family that could fit in the van to a movie theatre in Be’er Sheva to see The Martian on Wednesday.  We went for a 5pm show, which turns out to have been perfect from a traffic and movie viewing perspective.  The Husband had to leave work a little bit early, which fortunately wasn’t a problem.

Driving in Be’er Sheva is a special kind of treat, with all the traffic and the drivers who don’t seem to be aware of the fact that there are other, less ‘gifted’ drivers on the road.  I managed to avoid hitting any of them, so it was all right.  I was lucky in that there was a handicapped parking place available which was at the end of a row of cars, with room for the wheelchair lift to deploy on the sidewalk next to it.  Other people seem to be of the opinion that just because handicapped parking places are wider than ordinary parking places, doesn’t mean that we actually *need* that space for, for instance, lowering a wheel chair lift.  The number of drivers who have parked their cars right up against mine, not to mention the ones who try to make an extra parking space out of that room, is phenomenal.  But so far my parking fairy hasn’t deserted me, and although there have been some interesting moments, it has always been all right.

The important thing is that I was able to take my family out on a ‘fun’ outing.  The first one in months, if not a year or more.  It has not been a fun or easy time for the family, and while I’m not going to complain that we are any more put upon than anyone else, it really has not been easy for any of us.  One of the things that I really want out of the wheelchair van is the ability to go places and do things for fun, just for fun.  To get out and forget the large hole in my wall, and various life struggles, and remember that there is a point to life beyond just struggling and suffering.

Going to the movie theatre last night was a beginning.  Today I went up to Sderot, where TH was treating his ‘team’ (he is a ‘team leader’ at his workplace) to a bit of folk music, pizza, and ice cream.  I brought some of the kids and another joined us.  Another chance to just sit around, enjoy and not have to deal with anything stressful.  We need a lot more of that.  I’m hoping we can get there.

So I need to say, when I should be sleeping because I have another expedition planned to Be’er Sheva tomorrow, Hashem permitting, that I have a new wrinkle, which is in particular making writing this blog much more of a challenge.  I have a strange numbness which has taken over my left hand, and today up to the elbow.  It isn’t carpal tunnel syndrome, or another rarer but reasonably more normal nerve issue of the hand.  I am hopefully going to talk to the family doctor next week, and I have an appointment with a neuro soon after.  But it is scary and not terribly hopeful.  I’ve had M.S. for more than two decades, and I am familiar with parts of my body suddenly not working or acting strangely, but this seems more, well, maybe it is that I have lost so much, and I don’t feel like I can afford to lose this last thing.

Fortunately the van is configured so that I can drive it pretty much with only my right hand, using the joystick.  And now that it is repaired, that is what I have been doing.  But it impacts my ability to type, to knit, to make music.  It is not something that I want to have to become accustomed to.  It makes it much harder for me to sit here and come up with words, when I have to work so hard to make the fingers make them appear on the screen.  Also, as a one-time reasonably skilled typist, I loathe typos.  I don’t care so much when other people make them, but I can’t stand them in my own writing.  Now I often have to retype a word three or four or five times.  Infuriating!

So there it is.  I am more mobile, and enjoying it, but at the same time I am losing something else, and it is sad, and scary, and just *pout* Not Fair!

So there.


4 thoughts on “No Fair

    • Thanks for the nomination. I’ve been thinking and praying about it, and it just doesn’t seem to be happening. It is too bad, I like the challenge. I enjoyed your post of musical quotes.

  1. I have the same feeling about typos….and I’m a terrible typist. I admire your courage and I agree with you. having to cope with any kind of chronic debilitating illness is hard. It’s important to remember that yes indeed, there is more to life than suffering and survival. Thank you.

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