I’m not sure why my last post had no title – I gave it one. Well, it is a learning process for sure.
I was asked to write something about what happened between me and my middle son and daughter-in-law. I really didn’t and don’t know. There is a long and tedious story. I had some emotional trauma, not related to ms and dil, which makes the beginning fuzzy. Added to that is the fact that from the beginning of what *I* perceived as problems until today neither ms nor dil has been willing to just *tell* me what the problem(s) are/were from their point of view.
Suffice it to say that after too much of really difficult and unpleasant -what do I call it, encounters?- with assorted ugliness including dil using the *f* word at me and telling me I’m not worth getting to know … ms told me they would have nothing further to do with me and I was not to make any attempt to have any contact with them. Imagine my relief! No, seriously, I feel terrible about the whole thing from start to finish, but what part of it, if any, is mine I haven’t the foggiest. And most likely won’t until/unless one of them chooses to enlighten me in what way I hurt and/or offended them. I mean besides the obvious of not being willing to just accept being cursed out.
In the meantime, I’ve been dealing with the trauma of a quite literally sadistic doctor, working on improving my health, moving house, helping youngest daughter transition from being in the army, continuing to homeschool my youngest son, and generally having a life. It breaks my heart to be cut off from them, but not from what I can only call the abuse.
Despite our estrangement, I had promised to make dil a lace shawl from some lovely bamboo silk yarn I found that I really love. She chose the colours, and at one point ms and I had worked out a pattern that he and I thought that she would like. Unfortunately in everything else that’s gone on, I lost track of the lace patterns chosen, and realized that trying to do vertical stripes, as we had discussed at the time, would be both too time consuming and too fiddly for me in my current condition. So instead I made a Chantilly lace shawl that (I have to say, as I shouldn’t) I really think is most beautiful. I loved making it, lots of fun, and I love how it looks.
Following ms’s restrictions, I made no attempt to contact them but relied on someone else to deliver the finished shawl to dil. I don’t know what she thought, if she liked it, hated it, set fire to it, whatever. That is not my problem. I promised and I finished this shawl. Let it be one last nice thing that I got to do.
My middle daughter modeling dil’s shawl:
Be well, all, and Gd bless