I’ve been so busy I haven’t been able to write about how busy I’ve been. This is good on many levels, but, there is a frustration that is hard to get past. So it goes…
There have been big outings – spending all day in Be’er Sheva because the dog had to get to the vet by nine, and then had to wait for a call to pick her up. I was out of the house for eleven hours. Practically unheard of in recent years. And small outings – I made it back to the old house to sit on the steps and visit with my cat Kitten, who has refused to make our new house her home.
I have thought many times about bringing my camera with me to one place or another, but so far it hasn’t happened. I want a new camera. I love the ones that I have, but as I’ve gotten less functional, I need a camera that is lighter, easier to carry, but still produces results that don’t make me cringe. Sadly (but not surprizingly) the iPhone doesn’t cut it.
This evening, the family with the exception of myself are going to a street fair in a nearby small city. I would like to go but 1) there is not enough room in the rental car; and, 2) I am probably better off resting rather than going out again – particularly as I have another full-day outing on Thursday; and 3) if I went there is the risk of running into my middle son and/or my daughter-in-law. That relationship is fractured, possibly beyond repair. Beyond anything that I can do to repair it.
Instead I am actually all alone in the house. That has happened exactly once before in recent memory. In the last month in fact. It feels strange – I feel able to take deeper breaths, my mind seems less ‘squashed.’ The hardest part is not running around trying to do everything I would want to do in an empty house in the next hour to hour-and-a-half. I can’t. I need to just appreciate these moments that get more and more scarce as the body worsens and both TH and I get older.
When the family comes back from the fair, we’re going to have a little party to celebrate the 11th anniversary of arriving in Israel. It is all, still, very amazing. There will be a bittersweet flavour to the party because of missing family members, but only a little bit. There are enough of us (there will be six here tonight) and we make enough noise all together. Youngest daughter made some cute small cakes with the number ’11’ in blue on buttercream frosting. We will have pizza. It is good to remember what it used to be like and what happened.
My poor doggie has one of those silly cone things around her head, and drains sticking out of her leg. She is doing very well, but clearly this is not what makes her happy. What *did* make her happy was when my youngest daughter went in to the vet’s clinic to pick her up after her surgery. I think she really believed we were not coming back for her. Silly doggie.
I guess that’s all from me today. Pain is driving me away from the computer, but I’ll be back again somehow. Someday – if I live that long – I may have a bedroom again, and won’t have to leave the computer just because I can’t sit up any longer. Someday. Someday…