I’ve been trying to write something here for some time – it’s after 1:30am, now, and I’m just going to see what comes out.
We’ve had quite the noisy weekend, not only with the incoming rocket attacks, but the with big booms of our own artillery. I have a much better feel for what it must have been like at so many battles I’ve read about. The booms of the big guns, the grey smoke cloud that hangs over things. It adds to the ambience, I’m sure, that the temperatures have gone up along with the humidity, so being outside of the air conditioning is a truly miserable experience.
I did make it out for a very short walk. Didn’t even make it to the first bench. The dogs were quite happy about that, as they were only too ready to get back to the house and have at least a little protection from the booms.
When we were outside, The Husband and I also heard a helicopter, but I’m assuming it’s lights were out as we couldn’t see anything. This called to mind the very first time – this was before Operation Cast Lead – I ever stepped outside to find a helicopter gunship in the sky. We’d been getting pretty hammered by rockets then, and I wrote in my diary that I’d never known how comforting it could be to have a gunship overhead.
Different situation: then we were new to living in the Gaza periphery. We’d moved out of what we called the shtochim, what is officially called the Shomron (Samaria), and what western media and other people who don’t live there refer to as the ‘West Bank.’ Instead of rockets and bombs, we lived with the threat of being shot at, having rocks (think cinderblocks, not small stones) thrown at us, and also firebombs. The busses were all armoured, but our car didn’t have the bulletproof glass in the windows.
Actually, I found it a relief to be living with rockets instead of the ongoing and unending stress in the shtochim. I still would rather live here than there. But the booms that shake the house, the whole house, and it is now almost 2am, are really hell to live with.
I believe that most if not all of them are the guns here shooting towards Gaza, but my nerves don’t know that. There is a huge boom and house shaking, I jump, and Then I remember that it is probably not aimed at us. I’m going to run out of nerves, or else fall asleep from exhaustion. One thing or the other.
I have just a few more rows of knitting to finish the first half of a lace shawl I am making for my middle daughter. I would have finished it, but, well, relaxing and knitting with all the activity just didn’t work out. I’m sure it made a lovely and ironic picture, but then the cat pulled one of the needles half out of it. *sigh*
It is getting harder and harder to think or talk about anything that is not related to the bombs and the booms and the ba-bangs. When we all assembled in the centre of the house for the latest tseva adom, it’s hard to say who looked the most ragged. Youngest daughter definitely looks most desperately in need of sleep, but we are all looking pulled, to say the least.
It’s kind of amazing how we all carry on. For the most part people go to work, meals get prepared, life goes on. Just, with these interruptions. The rocket alerts. The sudden house-shaking boom. The phone call from one more idiot who wants to debate with me who’s right and who’s wrong. I don’t care.
I had to unfriend someone on facebook tonight. We’ve been friends for decades. If she had issues with where and how I live, about Israel, she’s had plenty of time to say something to me about it. Not now, while I have bombs flying at my home and I’m in fear of my life. This is not the time. It’s just — I haven’t the energy to even say that to her. It doesn’t matter where the line is between stupid, clueless and insensitive; or if she is one, two or all three. I can’t be bothered right now.
Maybe, if/when this is all over, we may pick up the threads again. But now — I’m working on continuing to breathe. Can’t panic if you are still breathing. And hoping that either the booms die down, or I can manage to get tired enough that I get *some* sleep tonight.
Oy, I feel like I have been typing forever. Dai, dai – enough is enough. May your days be peaceful and your nights quiet.