The realm of the possible

I don’t want to write about the war anymore, I don’t want to read about the war anymore, I don’t want to think about the war anymore, only, that’s not possible.

Last night I put my head down on my pillow and started to drift off, but the booms kept the adrenaline rushing and – no sleep. I finally did get some sleep, but the very first thing I heard was more booms.

We actually had a very pleasant trip to Be’er Sheva yesterday, and were able to get to all of our errands with nothing terribly untoward happening. There were several ‘tseva adom’s at home while I was gone with my oldest son. I don’t like leaving anyone home these days. What if something happens while I’m gone?

After we got home and we all had some supper, The Husband and I got back into the car and drove to Sderot, where there is a clinic providing a treatment for trauma sufferers that is subsidized (read: extremely cheap). It’s a group therapy thing with acupuncture and other energy balancing treatments. I don’t really know what everything they did was, but it really helped.

It might have helped just by being in a safe place (the treatment was in the mamad/safe room), with low lights, soothing music, and a chance to shut the eyes and relax. I know that the acupuncture helps from previous experience, but what I felt at the time was just the pleasantness of being able to relax and let go more than I’ve been able to in weeks.

Of course, afterwards TH and I are driving home and I am worrying about the kids left home without us. Coming up the moshav road it flashes in my head, what are we coming home to? with dire images, but I remind myself that most likely everything is okay, and, by the grace of Gd it was.

Kind of like the first time leaving the kids with a babysitter, only more fraught.

Right now there are patches of blue sky between some nasty-looking yellow grey clouds out my window. It’s been peaceful – no rocket alerts – for more than 12 hours. I hear there is some kind of negotiated cease fire window, in order to allow people to stock up on necessary items. I’ll believe it when I see it, but I have more faith in a cease-fire window, then in a general cease-fire.

My cat and dog are curled up next to each other in order to be as close to me as possible. Everybody wants to feel safe and secure. Sometimes it is just not possible.

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One thought on “The realm of the possible

  1. You’re totally awesome. I know that when I am under stress it helps me to journal. I am a total blank on being directly in a war zone but I’m always grateful when I head from you. Take care god bless and keep safe.

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