Too Tired to Play

For some reason I’ve had to drag myself to write here today. Plenty to write about, I’m sure, but I feel utterly deflated.

I suspect it is something to do with emotional exhaustion. I am physically exhausted, but that isn’t news, it is something I live with 24/7. No, rather I’ve run out of energy to enthuse, to be passionate, to emote with any strength.

The cease-fire today wasn’t. I read about it within minutes of a rocket attack here, and while we, on our little moshav, weren’t pounded any harder than we have been, the whole country saw a large number of attacks in a very short time. Phone calls between me and people all over the country also lead to more exhaustion. I find talking on the phone exhausting under any circumstances, but particularly when we are sharing the latest news – who’s been attacked, what injuries, how are you coping, …

I take Hebrew lessons by phone once or twice a week (I’m still trying), and was on the phone with a Hebrew teacher when a rocket alert sounded. The teacher was way more freaked out than I was, which makes me wonder what part of the country she is in. Not many parts of the country left that haven’t felt the effect of an incoming rocket alert.

As I’m sitting here now, after 1am, I am hearing booms from both sides. This exhaustion plays out in so many different ways. Usually when there is a ‘boom,’ particularly a large one that shakes the doors, or the whole house, I try to figure out where it was, was it near here (smaller boom, but closer) or further away and really big. Now, I just hear them and don’t really react. I just note them and move on.

Really scary thing earlier today – while The Husband was driving a rocket went by right in front of him, and hit just ahead on the side of the road. He doesn’t seem very affected, but I am. We’ve had a few too many near misses. Eventually I’m afraid our luck will run out.

Which made me more than a bit reluctant to let oldest son take the car to drive to the centre of the country today. He bought a new (to him) computer, and it didn’t show up. Turns out the courier wasn’t going to deliver it to us during these dangerous times. Especially irritating that they didn’t bother to let us know. But oldest son needs the computer for his work (he’s a writer), and he managed to safely drive up, pick up the computer, and drive back home, without any incident he would tell me about. 😉

Now we have to drive to Be’er Sheva tomorrow for a bunch of errands. Be’er Sheva isn’t so far away as Airport City (where the computer was picked up), but I am still worrying about people being out. Still, paperwork has to be submitted to the income tax authority, oldest son needs a cable he doesn’t have, and we have a broken ipad (just the screen) to drop off for repairs at iDigital. So anyone who is reading this who is a praying sort, I appreciate any prayers that we (whichever parts of the family end up going out) make it safely to Be’er Sheva and back. Oh, and that our errands are able to be successfully completed.

Things remain just too exciting here, and I haven’t the strength to be excited. My cat is quietly lying on my lap oblivious to anything but the fact that my typing annoys her; and I finished my socks, to which youngest daughter sewed denim bottoms, so now I’m all set for the next tseva adom. Or at least my feet are.

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3 thoughts on “Too Tired to Play

  1. I will pray for your safety. So different from my life, you talk about rockets and finishing your socks in the same breath. 🙂 I’m glad you don’t live in fear.

  2. Keeping my fingers crossed in the hopes that your family has a successful and safe trip to Be’er Sheva. 🙂

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